Archive for December, 2016


Week 9: My Fortress

In my efforts to take on my fortress I have come to new realizations about it.  It is not what I thought it was as of the last blog.  I spoke of scaling or dismantling the walls and now I know, all I have to do is open the doors.  All the energy in tring to solve this can actually be quite simple.  Like all fortresses of stories and legends told, within it is usually a chapel or temple.  It is the temple I wish to tap into.  Within is the golden bhudda or the radiant light of the universe.  As a child I remember being told that we are a temple and God lives within this temple.  Well to me, as a kid, a chapel or temple is a building and I used to wonder how a building can be within us and then I had the thought of the guy with the white beard living in there.  A kids concept of things.  All these years I have remembered that and have learned the the temple is not a building and I carry it with me but it has had little effect on me.  Until now.

Meditation.  I have tried to meditate and have various CD’s from different people on their technique to do this.  They all begin in a similar way, imagine yourself on a beach, or in a garden.  That has given me difficulty.  I try to hard to imagine the place they speak of and miss the whole idea of meditation.  Well now I have my fortress, and the door is open.  My next step is to enter the temple, my temple.  The words to this song go along with what I have discovered.

My Fortress, home of the sacred place within,  within it is my heart and my home, my shelter.  It is where I find my maker who sustains me.  All I see when I enter is mine to own.  Even in my darkest hour, the light to the Divine Source is within this place.  It is my sanctuary and within it is love, courage, wisdom and the connection to all the answers I need.  I can do anything knowing my temple does exist and is protected by my fortress.

 

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Week 8: I Was a Rock

As I stated in a previous blog, this is not my first time with MKMMA.  I been successful in many things since I have taken this on but now I face the greatest challenge.  There has been a block in my way and I have struggled in finding the answer as to what stops me.  This block has stopped me these last few weeks and I have fallen behind but the block is more clear now than it ever has been.  It is being revealed to me.  It has brought me to this song by Simon & Grafunkel, ‘I Am a Rock’ and it describes me so well as to the way I have lived my life.  I experienced pain and grief very young and it also established lack of trust in people.  My answer was to build walls, to never let anyone know what I was thinking or if I was hurt, all hend and protected within the fortress I built.  It is a song of strengtht but also isolation.  The last words are ‘And a rock feels no pain And an island never cries.’  which is a great untruth as there have been many tears in my isolation.  The fortress has provided strength but has kept me from many other things.  So my job now is how to I scale the walls of this fortress I have built to live the life of my dreams.  I am not confined within my fortress, I am find myself on the outside of these walls I built.  So the work begins, to take down the walls and find my solutions within.  It is a daunting task and this is my purpose, here and now.

forgiveness-bridges-the-gap

In reviewing the week 7 lessons, it reminded me of a story I heard years ago.  It was at a time I was reading and listening to the teachings of Dr. Robert Schuller the Power of Positive Thinking.  It helped me in placing some family history and a decision that was made by my father in its proper place.  He had a difficult life.  It was years before we decided he probably suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It was not known at the time, but his decision to exclude himself from our family life when we were young as he did drink in access, and then the decision to end his life that affected us as children.  We were blessed with a strong mother that raised us and took care of us despite his failings.  For the longest time his decisions and the impact on our life did follow us into adulthood, and it did me as well as my siblings.  That was until I heard this story by Dr. Schuller.

There were two brothers.  They grew up in a family of dysfunction, a father that drank and was abusive.  The father was a single parent with these two boys.  It is a story we hear all to often in the society of today.  The two boys grew to adulthood.  One became a drug addict and live a life on the streets and getting the money he needed in whatever way he could.  He isolated himself from his brother who lived a life of hard work and success.  He had a loving family and did well in his business raising his family with his wife.  He tried to help his brother when he could but no effort to help made a difference.  It came to a time that he had to make the decision give up on his brother and focus on his family.  Without his brother’s efforts to help himself he had to accept that he could not help him.  It came to a point of crisis and the brothers were brought together again.  In the process of interview by social workeres there was a question asked as to why the brother that chose the path of self destruction took this path.  He answer was, ‘With a father such as I had and the childhood of neglect we grew up in what choice did I have.  I didn’t stand a chance in life and I am like my father.’  The same question was asked of the brother that tried to help and who lived a better life with love and family.  His answer was. ‘With a father such as I had and a childhood of neglect we were raised in, what choice did I have?  I did not want to be like my father.  I choose a better life.  I have my family and love them deeply.  I choose that over what we grew up in.’

At the point of hearing that story I no longer dwelled on the fact that my father took his life.  It was a situation of dispair for him and I do grieve for him as I saw this as his only option, but it was his choice, not mine.  It is not mine to carry into the future.  It is part of me as I never did get to know him but it is something that has made me make choices.  As we make these choices in life we decide if we want to be victims or victors.  I choose victory.