mk forgive

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

– Catherine Ponder

A few months back a friend of mine had a negative experience with a person she had known since high school.  There was some discussion about this within her circle of friends.  One had suggested she forgive this person but she was too hurt at that time to do that.  The discussion of forgiveness ensued.  For some reason the general thinking of forgiveness was that the person that was hurt should be the person to forgive, thus making them the ‘bigger person.’  In doing this they also suggested that in the process of forgiving, they embrace the person that was hurtful and pretend nothing happened.  The ‘turn the other cheek’ theory.  There are the instances where there was a misunderstanding and with the efforts of both parties forgiveness and understanding can happen and retain the relationship.  But there are the times where someone does not have the ability to see their role in situation or are intentionally hurtful.  In my opinion this is the area of the “gift of forgiveness.”  When it is a situation that there is nothing more you can do to resolve an issue with someone that continually or intentionally hurt you, the act of forgiveness is a gift to yourself.  It is the realization that you have done all you can to do make it right and it is prefectly alright to let this relationship go and move on.  You wish them well, release yourself from the negative atmosphere and live your life.  In the process you forgive yourself for having to give up someone you thought was an important part in your life.  Over the past two years I have learned this lesson.  I have had to let go of people that I thought were friends and had to face the fact they truly were not.  My efforts to retain these friends became too much work and is no longer a priority for me.  It is such a relief to give my self free license to let go and find new, positive friends and relationships.  There are still long time friends that I am in touch with.  Some I had not seen in a long time but in my new found search for a positive circle of influence I have reconnected with them.  Lesson learned, “sometimes you need to know when to quit.”  And there is nothing wrong with that.